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Brief soujourn at the keyboard 5 September, 2014

Posted by monopod in Blogging, Him, Self-Absorption.
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I keep meaning to write and then ending up doing something that involves nothing more than mindless staring at a screen. Which sounds suspiciously similar to work on some days. I have the memory of a flea because I (think I) coast through life not paying enough attention to things, which is somewhat ironic considering that the thing I find most rewarding in my professional life involves real, genuine listening to people. When I’m not in that mode, though, I worry that all the precious memories I should be keeping forever in my mind will disappear if I don’t help myself by recording some of them here, so I can be delighted when I chance across them, maybe when I’m old and grey, or nostalgic, or lonely. So at some point in the future I am going to write about all the things that the little one is learning to say, and how I’m feeling remarkably positive about my professional life at the moment, because I think I’ve identified my vocation and I’m taking concrete steps to get there. For tonight, however, I’ll just finish off with the memory of last weekend when we scoured ingredient lists and thought hard about what additional allergen was making the nut-allergic toddler red and blotchy and puffy, only to discover that Him had put mirin in the scrambled eggs two days running. Social services, anyone?

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Music Appreciation 4 May, 2014

Posted by monopod in Him, Self-Absorption.
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Me: I was just thinking of a song that we used to sing at school and in church, at baptisms and the like, called Welcome to the Family. I think I’ll teach it to Ethan; it was a nice song. *sings*
Me: See? Nice right?
Him: I dunno. I can’t tell without the music.
Me: …

Headshakes and Bargains 5 March, 2014

Posted by monopod in Him, Observations.
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Last weekend I was supposed to be working while Him took care of the kids. Naturally, after having got the easy stuff out of the way, I procrastinated on my project plan while laughing about Indian headshakes.

I usually joke that Him is being racist when he asks “You Indian ah?”, because it’s typically in response to exchanges like the following:

#1
Him: What do you want to eat?
Me: *noncommittal waggling of head*

#2
Him: I thought you said that was the last time.
Ethan: But this really is the last time. The last last time.

I’m actually concerned that despite Indians laughing about the video maybe it’s like those situations where you can only joke about something if you’re part of the relevant demographic. So I thought I’d finish on a different note. I’m also musing about when you get old enough to bargain like your mother.

It’s Been Over Four Years 24 February, 2014

Posted by monopod in Ethan, Family, Him, Self-Absorption.
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I was reminded about the existence of my blog this weekend, so took a tentative look at it and decided that I liked what I saw. Rereading some of the posts conjured up such marvellous memories that I decided it would be remiss of me not to capture more and similar, now that I am a mother of two. So yes, that’s what I’ve been busy doing over the past four and a half years; raising and guiding and teaching and occasionally losing my marbles over my now nearly-six-year-old, and learning the ropes all over again with the little dot who is my sixteen-month-old daughter.

There is probably a fair amount of ground that I’d like to document since I all-but-abandoned the blog in 2009 in favour of posting on Facebook, but for now, I thought I’d leave you with two classic exchanges between Him and me, one slightly vintage, and one hot off the press. Hello again world.

#1
Him: Why are you using that knife to spread the butter?
Me: Because I already used it to cut the bagel.
Him: You used a non-serrated knife to cut bread?
Me: Yes.
Him: And now you’re using it to spread the butter?
Me: Yes.
Him: Do you want a screwdriver instead?
Me: Would you like me to stab you with this non-serrated knife?

#2
(while Whatsapping, talking about a house purchase)
Him: That one is promising as well, according to the agent.
Him:¬†Sorry… that last message was mean’t for my dad.
Me: Mean’t???
Me: Disgraceful, hope that was an autocorrect
Me: Anyway, promising as in the lady might accept the offer?
Him: Heheheee… Got someones hairs up…
Me: Alamak then where you need the apostrophe it is missing
Me: *facepalm*
Him: I guess… it need’s to be a joint decision between the two joint owners.
Me: …
Him: Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe

Late Night Conversations are the Stupidest Conversations 19 September, 2009

Posted by monopod in Him, Self-Absorption.
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Me: I’m tired but I can’t sleep.
Him: Go get a book to read. If you keep trying to sleep it’ll get worse.
Me: *ignores Him and closes eyes*
Him:… or you could talk to me.
Me: Hee hee.
Him: Yeah, because that will probably make you fall asleep right. Because I’m so exhilarating.
Me: I love you precisely because you’re not exhilarating. I love you because you’re boring.
Him: Thanks a lot.
Me: I love you because you’re sturdy and dependable.
Him:…
Me: Like a packhorse.
Him: Go to sleep.
Me: …
Him: Come on, at *least* a shire horse.
Me: Ok, shire horse. Can’t a packhorse be a shire horse? Or is a packhorse more like a donkey?
Him:…
Me: Hee hee.
Him: Go to sleep.
Me: I think I’m going to go blog.

Recent Conversations 5 May, 2009

Posted by monopod in Ethan, Him.
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#1
Me: Ethan bit my toe today. I was sitting down on the chair with my leg tucked beneath me and he was standing up beside me. I looked away for a moment and all of a sudden OW.
Him: He tried to bite my ankle yesterday.
Me: Weird boy.
Him:
Me: Since when have I bitten your ankle??
Him: That’s just social norms.

#2 (eating raisins and in a contrary mood)
Him: Did you take those from the pack that was already open?
Me: There was a pack that was already open? … Well, now there are two packs that are open.
Him: Got expiry dates you know.
Me: They’re raisins.
Him: May have fungus.
Me: …
Him: …
Me: I like fungus.

The Sound of Displeasure 14 January, 2009

Posted by monopod in Him, Self-Absorption.
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Me: (playing with Ethan) Let’s make new sounds! WHOO WHOO!! Chugga chugga chugga chug. What’s that, Ethan? WHOO WHOO!! It’s…
Him: …the sound of a loony mother.
Me: …

Hello Again 6 January, 2009

Posted by monopod in Blogging, Him.
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I have so much to write (or think I do), but blogging is currently being pipped to the post by deciding where to put my erstwhile Icesave ISA funds. Or tackling the huge pile of ironing. Or updating Ethan’s website. Or catching up on emails.

Me: Oh, is that our new humidifer?
Him: Yup.
Me: It looks like a TV.
Him: You can watch it if you want.

Or maybe watching a humidifer.

Clever Like What 17 July, 2008

Posted by monopod in Him, Self-Absorption.
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Now, I can’t claim that conversations in the monopod household have ever been particularly intellectual, but I think we’ve reached a new low. I also have milk brain which is a supplement to pregnancy brain and means you lose double your brain cells for every minute you spend with your baby latched on to your squirty boobs. I wonder if going back to work in February will in fact be a viable prospect.

Me: That smells really buttery.
Him: It is a pie.
Me: It is a pie.
Him: But in a little while it won’t be.
Me: Yes.
Him: It was a pie.
Me: (nods sagely)

Otherwise Known As 11 May, 2008

Posted by monopod in Him.
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In the garden store:

Him (hoisting shovel): Hey! We could add this to our arsenary.
Me: Um – arsenary?
Him: Oh, you know… er…
Me: Arsenal? Armoury?
Him: Oh. Armoury.
Me: Hee hee hee hee hee.
Him: I guess I just made an arsenary of myself.

****

(After sudden thought that one should check that ‘arsenary’ is not in fact not a Himism at all.)

Me: Okay, I’ve checked now and ‘arsenary’ isn’t in the OED.
Him: Who said it was in the OED.
Me: What then? Your mental dictionary?
Him: It’s in the appendium.
Me: Appendium?
Him: …
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA