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Indestructible 2 December, 2004

Posted by monopod in Plant Death, Self-Absorption.

I bought a tropical plant at Tesco this morning – one that sits in orange gel thingy and which you don’t need to water or feed and that needs warm and shady conditions to thrive. I think I may finally have found the ultimate antidote to my serial plant killer status (pending a foray into air plants, though those you do need to mist with water every so often so this one seems far more idiot-proof on the face of it), seeing as I am currently killing plants that are supposedly virtually indestructible:

(My living stones look slightly more shrivelled than this remarkable specimen.)

Titanopsis Calcarea
(Regrettably my version is also a somewhat less handsome specimen.)

by misinterpreting ‘Much light. Little watering. Keep dry and cool during period of rest. Fertilise sparingly.’ as ‘Put plant in England. Do not water. Ever.’



1. Jessica Booth - 2 December, 2004

living stones!! aren’t they so wonderfully disgusting? hey i killed a cactus once by watering it. but it didn’t look as good as that.

2. monopod - 2 December, 2004

Oi, they’re not disgusting. You can’t tell them such ego-smashing things when they’ve already got such a bad mother.

Him has asked me whether I’m going to forget to water the baby (when we have one) too. I gave him a Look.

Speaking of overwatering cacti, I used to do that, and have clearly learnt my mistake now and gone completely in the opposite direction…

3. bev - 3 December, 2004

hee hee so funny u =P

i also do things no one else will do..

yesterday i broke my slippers in the middle of city hall..so i walked barefoot till i bought a new pair.

and people say macintosh’s don’t crash.. i managed to crash and jam one. hmmm

4. monopod - 3 December, 2004

What can I say… some people just have certain skills in destruction (must be genetic – let’s go blame it on Mum and Dad ;))

And I’m going to smack you because of your disgraceful use of apostrophes.

5. bev - 4 December, 2004

macintoshes! macintoshes!!


6. monopod - 4 December, 2004

Much better 😉

How’s your ankle? You’re off to India in two days aren’t you??

7. bev - 5 December, 2004

my ankle’s much better just a little swollen now! =) thanks.

i’m off to india tonight!! I hope i didn’t forget to pack anything because as usual i did everything at the last minute.. old habits die hard hee. =P

hmm nat your blog is becoming our email =)

8. Vicky Theay - 17 December, 2004

My rather dubious talent is leaving plants to die, either through their total dessication or through my drowning them. I don’t mean to not water them but it always happens. I mean – plants that are normally found in arid climates? What are they doing in my house because I believe its actually a temperate climate in my house? They confuse me greatly. Should I water them every week? Every month? ‘Oh, you’re looking a little parched Hugh (The name of my most recent attempt at a foray into the world of botany – a sad failure I might add), would you like some water? Oh of course not, you’re already dead from that watering I gave you last month’. My last plant, a yukka – lasted 12 months in my care. I’m a bad bad person…….

9. monopod - 19 December, 2004

Totally OT, but Vicky – I didn’t know you knew Sarah and Kevin! =D

Re. plants, we clearly have something in common 😉

I have, however, recently refrained from naming my nifty orange gel-dwelling plant for fear that I might jinx the poor dear, so the verdict is still open…

10. Vicky Theay - 20 December, 2004

Oh ‘Calamity’ and ‘Calm down’, yes, I know them. Many is the time they’ve been beaten at the hands of Vicky. The wooden spoon of disgrace is currently residing on top of Kevin’s television I believe.

11. monopod - 20 December, 2004

I must rub it in the next time I see Sarah. Oh sorry, Calamity. 😛

Thanks for including my blog in your list of favourites! As you can see I have returned the favour – your blog makes me laugh!

12. Vicky Theay - 20 December, 2004

Woohoo. Thanks, likewise.
APPARENTLY, Sarah’s middle name is Jane! The nickname Calamity was of course, purely coincidental!

13. AM - 4 November, 2006

Hi, I’ve been searching everywhere to find the name of the Tesco orange gel plant as mine is also on the way out. I thought that if I knew what it was called I could find out how to look after it. I followed the terse instructions on the label but it just kept on shrivelling so I poured some “plant food” into the gel and now some very interesting organisms are growing in there but I don’t think they are part of the main plant!

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