My boss sent us this poem today:

Another poem, unearthed from another life.

I am in all the hours we have ever spent
I am in all the dreams we have ever dreamt
once in all the rooms we wandered through
now must move into the worlds where you
are absent; and only the recollection of your smile,
touch, smell, taste, remain, while
you drift outward, out of the receiving zone
you are distant, you are already gone, I am alone.

goodbye is so final – I must go,
even if I am not ready, and though
there was something in your eyes
something approaching affection’s guise
something almost like a loving touch
this little is for you too much.

so forgive me for falling in deeper;
for tarrying when I should have departed, my keeper
is not you, nor I yours. Remember these stolen days, mind
these stolen hours, while I find
the capacity to leave these moments behind.

The end of you is where I must begin;
the end of pain and the chaos within.

“…I love all waste
And solitary places; where we taste
The pleasure of believing what we see
Is boundless, as we wish our souls to be;…”
- Percy Bysshe Shelley, Julian and Maddalo

This sums up how I’ve been feeling about life recently. Too small, too complicated, too crowded. Craving vast expanses and solitary spaces, yearning for quiet.

Follow-up to Prayer for the Stressed

Me: My colleague gave me something today that was really funny and we’ve adopted it as our departmental motto.
Him: Mmm.
Me: One part goes like this: “And help me to remember when I am having a bad day and it seems that people are trying to wind me up, it takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to extend my arm and smack someone in the mouth.”
Him: It only takes 4 if you remain perfectly expressionless through the whole thing. If you grimace then it’ll take 46.
Me:…

We’ve just adopted this as our new departmental motto:

A Prayer for the Stressed

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill today because they got on my nerves.
And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the feet I may have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me always to give 100% at work; 12% on Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday.
And help me to remember when I am having a bad day and it seems that people are trying to wind me up, it takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to extend my arm and smack someone in the mouth.

Just been on another baking spree. Cake looks heavenly - no idea what it’s going to taste like, but Him will be reliable guinea pig later on.

Chocolate Ginger Cake (Recipe by Margaret Ruhl, from the Green and Black’s website)

150g (5oz) caster sugar
150g (5oz) butter
3 large eggs
3 tbsp syrup from a jar of stem ginger
150g (5oz) self-raising flour
35g (1 1/4oz) cocoa powder
100g (3 1/2oz) stem ginger, finely chopped
100g (3 1/2oz) crystallised ginger
100g (3 1/2oz) Green & Black’s Dark 70% chocolate, broken into pieces

Instructions:

Preparation time: 15 minutes.
Cooking time: 1 hour.
Use: 18 or 20cm (7 or 8in) round cake tin

1) Preheat the oven to 180°C/350°F/gas mark 4 (NB: Step can be moved down to #3 or #4 depending on how dab a hand you are with creaming sugar and butter, in the interests of not wasting gas/electricity).
2) Line the base of the cake tin with greaseproof paper (I used a Teflon sheet - cake nearly flew across the kitchen when being taken out of the tin, such is the slippery goodness of Teflon).
3) Cream the sugar and butter until light and fluffy. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition, then add the stem ginger syrup, and lightly beat again. Sniff mixture.
4) Sift the flour and cocoa, fold them into the mixture, then fold in the finely chopped ginger. Inhale mixture again.
5) Pour into the cake tin and bake for 1 hour or until a skewer inserted into the centre comes out clean. Remove from the oven and leave it in the tin for 10 mins before turning out on to a wire rack, leaving the paper on (NB: Paper will not allow you to do this if coming in the guise of Teflon). Allow to cool before making the icing. Smell cake.
6) To make the icing, finely chop the ginger. Melt the chocolate in a heatproof bowl suspended over a saucepan of barely simmering water. Add the ginger and stir well. Once the cake has cooled pour the icing over the cake using a palette knife to spread it. Sit in front of cake with blissful smile on face. Try not to get nose in icing, particularly if icing still hot.

I’ve just discovered my collection of writings from when I was 12 up to the time I mostly stopped writing, round about 20. Most of it is a real belly-laugh. A few are less painful (and I’m hoping this one falls into that category).

I love to hang upside down
turn time inside out and walk against the current
create a stir-
in defiance of convention, as it were.
I love to rise against the masses
be the stand-alone in a flurry of sheep
falsify truth and awaken sleep
smile in the midst of a worldwide frown.
I love to walk the path all have gone before
but change the direction of my journey
think of less yet contemplate more
Caricature.
I love to have no sense of the world
To live in oblivion, the world and no action
to leave me full out of the universal faction
to be the soul trapped between the floor
I love to be to the surreal consecrate
I love to from my life deviate
to imagination appeal.
I love to live a fairytale
Princesses get their princes and none will weep
everyone will live happily ever after
I love to live in semi-detached state
fantasy is good and so is the ideal
but truth is real and reality is deep
and reality has no laughter.
I love to play the strong heroine
but this heroine is a fool
I love to live in future tense–
I love to love you.